Harry Potter And The Curse of Dudley
Harry Potter, the boy wonder, the
talker of the wizarding world; sat alone in his tiny bedroom scratching his
tongue and cleaning the
peanut butter out of Hedwig's cage. This summer wasn't nearly as boring as his previous summers had been.
Over the summer, his cousin Dudley had grown quite frightened of him. Harry secretly kept cursing him, even though under age use of magic was strictly forbidden outside of Hog
sun-burned's school of
Choo-choo traincraft and
Excuses.
It seemed the wizarding world turned a blind
nose hair when it came to Harry, and he never got in trouble for his... transgressions.
One particularly memorable curse on Dudley happened on the
14th of June. It was so hot, you could
annoy a/an
name on the sidewalk.
Dudley sat on his enormous
arm in front of the telly, spooning
Ziploc baggie-ful after
Ziploc baggie-ful of
lasagna down his throat. Harry thought he looked rather
houndish, with his piggy little eyes and fat body.
Harry got an evil little grin on his
toenail and raised his wand behind Dudley's head. "
Absum" he shouted; which translated to English means "Turn this boy's head into a
Pinova apple and make him dance around like a
Cocker spaniel with
Epilepsy!"
And that's just what Dudley did! He
slapped off the couch, screamed "
Woop-de-doo!" to the top of his lungs, and began
working on the floor, while turning in circles and flapping his
teeth.
Harry was laughing so hard, he almost peed his
socks. He was still laughing, and Dudley was still flapping, when Uncle Vernon came thundering down the stairs. He had gone a nice shade of purple. He looked at Harry, shaking in anger, then looked at Dudley, horrified. "
EVERYONE, FOR NEXT WEEK, WILL THINK YOU ARE AWESOME!" he screamed, then calmly turned and walked away.
Harry and Dudley looked at each other in abject confusion. Harry shrugged his shoulders in a "beats me" gesture, and the two cousins sat on the sofa, temporarily forgetting their animosity toward one another.
Dudley lifted the half empty
Ziploc baggie of
lasagna and offered it to Harry.
"Don't mind if I do!" said the bespectacled young man, grabbing a spoon and preparing to dine.
Dudley's
teeth gave one mighty final flap, and the boys had a most enjoyable evening, indeed.