Harry Potter And The Curse of Dudley
Harry Potter, the boy wonder, the talker of the wizarding world; sat alone in his tiny bedroom scratching his tongue and cleaning the peanut butter out of Hedwig's cage. This summer wasn't nearly as boring as his previous summers had been.
Over the summer, his cousin Dudley had grown quite frightened of him. Harry secretly kept cursing him, even though under age use of magic was strictly forbidden outside of Hogsun-burned's school of Choo-choo traincraft and Excuses.
It seemed the wizarding world turned a blind nose hair when it came to Harry, and he never got in trouble for his... transgressions.
One particularly memorable curse on Dudley happened on the 14th of June. It was so hot, you could annoy a/an name on the sidewalk.
Dudley sat on his enormous arm in front of the telly, spooning Ziploc baggie-ful after Ziploc baggie-ful of lasagna down his throat. Harry thought he looked rather houndish, with his piggy little eyes and fat body.
Harry got an evil little grin on his toenail and raised his wand behind Dudley's head. "Absum" he shouted; which translated to English means "Turn this boy's head into a Pinova apple and make him dance around like a Cocker spaniel with Epilepsy!"
And that's just what Dudley did! He slapped off the couch, screamed "Woop-de-doo!" to the top of his lungs, and began working on the floor, while turning in circles and flapping his teeth.
Harry was laughing so hard, he almost peed his socks. He was still laughing, and Dudley was still flapping, when Uncle Vernon came thundering down the stairs. He had gone a nice shade of purple. He looked at Harry, shaking in anger, then looked at Dudley, horrified. "EVERYONE, FOR NEXT WEEK, WILL THINK YOU ARE AWESOME!" he screamed, then calmly turned and walked away.
Harry and Dudley looked at each other in abject confusion. Harry shrugged his shoulders in a "beats me" gesture, and the two cousins sat on the sofa, temporarily forgetting their animosity toward one another.
Dudley lifted the half empty Ziploc baggie of lasagna and offered it to Harry.
"Don't mind if I do!" said the bespectacled young man, grabbing a spoon and preparing to dine.
Dudley's teeth gave one mighty final flap, and the boys had a most enjoyable evening, indeed.
